Adoption: A Wise Couple’s Choice

Dr Ashwini Sirapanasetty
Miscarriage !
Miscarriage is the most common reason for losing a baby during pregnancy. Miscarriage rate of 10-15% in women who knew they were pregnant. Pregnancy loss is defined differently around the world, but in general a baby who dies before 28 weeks of pregnancy is referred to as a miscarriage, and babies who die at or after 28 weeks are called as stillbirths. Every year, nearly 2 million babies are stillborn, and many of these deaths are preventable. However, miscarriages and stillbirths are not systematically recorded, even in developed countries, suggesting that the numbers could be even higher
Around the world, women have varied access to healthcare services, and hospitals and clinics in many countries are very often under-resourced and understaffed. As varied as the experience of losing a baby may be, around the world, stigma, shame and guilt emerge as common themes. As these first-person accounts show, women who lose their babies are made to feel that should stay silent about their grief, either because miscarriage and stillbirth are still so common, or because they are perceived to be unavoidable.
Miscarriage &Loss- A Reproductive Trauma
Miscarriage is a traumatic loss, not only of the pregnancy, but of a woman’s sense of self and her hopes and dreams of the future. She give up on her ‘reproductive story,’ and it needs to be grieved.”A woman who has a miscarriage is at risk for depression and anxiety symptoms in subsequent years. In addition, even after having a healthy child, women who miscarry have a higher risk of postpartum depression. For example, mothers who had delivered a child within 19 months after a perinatal loss. When the child was a year old, the researchers assessed the mother-child attachment relationships and found that 45 percent of the infants had disorganized attachments to their mothers (Infant Mental Health Journal). A 2011 study also found evidence of disorganized attachment behaviour in infants born subsequent to stillbirth (Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry).
Social frame for Miscarriage
Around the world, women have varied access to healthcare services, and hospitals and clinics in many countries are very often under-resourced and understaffed. As varied as the experience of losing a baby may be, around the world, stigma, shame and guilt emerge as common themes. As these first-person accounts show, women who lose their babies are made to feel that should stay silent about their grief, either because miscarriage and stillbirth are still so common, or because they are perceived to be unavoidable. All of this takes an enormous toll on women. Many women who lose a baby in pregnancy can go on to develop mental health issues that last for months or years– even when they have gone on to have healthy babies. Cultural and societal attitudes to losing a baby can vary tremendously around the globe. People, especially those with high profiles, are taking to social media to share their experiences. There are many reasons why a miscarriage may happen, including foetal abnormalities, the age of the mother, and infections, many of which are preventable such as malaria and syphilis, though pinpointing the exact reason is often challenging. General advice on preventing miscarriage focuses on eating healthily, exercising, avoiding smoking, drugs and alcohol, limiting caffeine, controlling stress, and being of a healthy weight. This places the emphasis on lifestyle factors, which, in the absence of specific answers, can lead to women feeling guilty that they have caused their miscarriage. As with other health issues such as mental health, around which there is tremendous taboo still, many women report that no matter their culture, education or upbringing, their friends and family do not want to talk about their loss. This seems to connect with the silence that shrouds talking about grief in general.
Adoption makes you more Responsible Parent
Like many hopeful parents, you have probably gone through a long process trying to bring a little bundle of joy home. Maybe you have faced miscarriages & Infertility changes, been waiting on the perfect partner, or spent a number of years wondering if parenthood was right for you. While everyone may have their own motivations for exploring adoption, the core desire for a family to adopt and what propels that family forward to complete an adoption should be based on the right motives as well as a clear understanding of what is entailed. If you find yourself thinking about adoption, there are a number of things to consider. You need to be sure you are adopting for the right reasons and that you are ready for adoption.”
Eligibility criteria for prospective for Adoptive parents
· The prospective adoptive parents shall be physically, mentally, emotionally and financially capable, they shall not have any life threatening medical condition and they should not have been convicted in criminal act of any nature or accused in any case of child rights violation.
· Any prospective adoptive parents, irrespective of their marital status and whether or not they have biological son or daughter, can adopt a child subject to following, namely:-
· The consent of both the spouses for the adoption shall be required, in case of a married couple;
· A single female can adopt a child of any gender;
· A single male shall not be eligible to adopt a girl child;
· No child shall be given in adoption to a couple unless they have at least two years of stable marital relationship except in the cases of relative or step-parent adoption
· The prospective adoptive parents have to revalidate their Home study report after a period of three years.
· The seniority of the prospective adoptive parents who have not received a single referral within three years shall be counted from their date of registration except those who have crossed composite years of one hundred ten years.
· The minimum age difference between the child and either of the prospective adoptive parents should not be less than twenty five years.
Nurturing Motherhood doesn’t need umbilical cord connection
More often than not, the quintessential that arises when one thinks of a mother is of the biological mother who carries her baby for nine months and suffers through labour to give birth to her child. But for now, let’s drop the presumption of biological connections because we need change social mind frame & remind ourselves that lord Krishna is also raised by the leader of the cowherds, Nanda, and his wife Yashoda.
(The author is Obstetrics and Gynaecologist Surgeon and also a wife of Major Anil Kumar Sirapanasetty who is a Serving Army Officer. Her recent research work on Human Desires and Sexual Ethics has been selected for International Conference conducted by British Association for South Asian Studies)